to say that "life is fragile" falls short and honestly feels cliche. but there's a lot of truth in cliches. our bodies are strong and meant to help protect us, but inevitably life, death and gravity get the better of us. we are fragile even in the midst of our assumed strength and conviction of self. one moment can change everything. our vulnerability should be seen as an opportunity to communicate truthfully, live kindly and unselfishly, to appreciate those around us.
on my way to meet chelsea today, i ran into heavy traffic on I5 and of course my first thoughts were pure annoyance. i don't think i'm alone in my initial response or my secondary, which was the realization that i was purely selfish. up ahead were 4 ambulances, 4 firetrucks, 2 cars on the rail-and i mean on the middle rail.
(this reminds me: grant and morgan wanted to know the other day why they were called "toe trucks"- i was so mentally tired of answering questions and my mind went blank, i thought "why are they called 'toe' trucks? what a funny name"... it took about a minute, i realized my embarrassing blunder and explained "tow". wow.)

chelsea and i spoke today regarding planning for the future and living in the present. it seems we both suffer from our own oddities, one of us always planning, always moving forward, the other: wanting to focus on the now. that doesn't quite sum it up really and it certainly doesn't sum up our personalities. but my point here is that there is a balance i need to find between planning for the future and living in the present. i am constantly thinking of the next step, the next week, weekend, paycheck, flight, dinner, visit; and its not that planning is futile. if it weren't for this planning, i wouldn't have these dinners with my parents, the weekends with our friends, etc- but with all aspects of life: there is a balance. i don't want to be someone always waiting for the next thing, when i have the best things right here.

it seems i may get the opportunity to see several lovely ladies whom i miss, in the next few months and this makes me VERY HAPPY. i am now off to pick up my love from the train station, these past 2 days have been rough.

BIRTHDAY!

in honor of my birthday i am going to make a list of things i like (currently):
yes, this is a little self-indulgent but i am pretty sure that is what birthdays are all about.




http://www.earthworkmusic.com/


THE HUNGER GAMES (SERIES)

zoey deschanel and her sister emily.


kate micuccci and her music/videos.


playing guitar for peter, josh, leslie, jm, j, and all at christmas.

cupcakes!

my huge radical necklace husband bought me for my day o' birth!

surprise packages on my door step.

writing letters to my faraway friends.

katrina and allegra reading my words!

sunshine- come back please? please?

my gym.

technology

when our parents were growing up, travel was on a different spectrum than what think of as "travel" today. my friends, family and myself have had the privilege to travel a great number of places, at a reasonable price, all things considering. i am constantly baffled by this- i don't want to take it for granted. truth is, a lot of aspects of life are "easier" for my generation-note here that i am speaking from a very specific stand point, class, age, gender, race.
my friend's ability to travel and live where they wish wouldn't be so glamorous if it weren't for technology. just this morning i have commented on hayley's blog in guatemala, sent birthday love to chelsea (here now but in france for so many birthdays), sam in new york, commented on katrina's blog in south korea. yesterday i sent out letters to allegra in louisianna and meg in los angeles, exchanged voicemails with ken in iowa.
my basic point here: we are so lucky to travel, to explore, and to still be able to stay in touch and have moments of friendship, even if we are many miles away. i just don't want to lose track of the importance of all of this.

i am starring at my two little presents piled neatly in front of the bookshelf in the living room, one from my husband and one from meg- with very strict instructions to refrain from opening until tomorrow. very exciting!
i haven't gotten all riled up about my birthday yet and its TOMORROW! 26! ...does this mean i am growing up? i've said it before and i'll say it again, it was a great turning point when i realized i no longer needed to share every single little thought and experience with everyone around me- as if i were building up a story of myself-a framework to inhabit. does "not getting super excited about my birthday" fall into this?...
mmm well all thoughts like these aside, i am excited. i shall eat cupcake(s), see friends, and feel thankful for my life and loves.
i can't help but thinking about the intensity for my birthday in college, pretty sure i drove hayley and allegra a little nuts at times but HEY ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!!! I LOVE MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

i don't want to be one of those people who gets all depressed when their birthday rolls around... that is not a good way to live. eat, drink, be happy, and thankful for another year. it is in bad taste to send out negative vibes about getting older, maybe someone will listen and decide you don't deserve any more birthdays.
morbid? maybe.