books, roses and inspiration from yours truely.

lately things have really been coming together. sure, there have been a few bumps and bruises, a couple tears here and a complaint there, but all in all, its falling into place. a good place. a place i'll stay awhile. my husband and i will soon be the proud tenants of a beautiful home. this summer i aim for many bbqs- anyone have one we could own?- lots of gardening, grass mowing, playing outside, and of course: puppy time! we pick up our puppy the beginning of june. she is precious. we've been reading up on how to train her and every detail about properly raising a dog. we're going to be great parents. you know, puppies are like babies. almost.
i also start school this summer which i am awfully excited about! i get to learn some history of this great nation and that of the pacific northwest. then off to official graduate school in the fall. i know this is going to be a lot of time, money and work, but i am eager to get going and be moving-moving-moving- in a good direction.

i've had some great friend catch ups lately. chatting with allegra on skype yesterday made me miss her more but value video chat so much. seeing someone's face is more powerful and fulfilling then just a phone call. more to come please.
my cousin chad is engaged to be wed. we finally caught up this weekend after months of distance-during this time he became engaged, had a birthday, i got into school, we started the moving track. time moves. fast.
and then sometimes it slows down.
i heard this NPR segment (sigh- man how i love and adore you NPR. must remember to pledge when we have a little extra) about a man who was doing an experiment on time. he would go about his daily activities but after every one, he would guess how much time had gone by. frankly, he wasn't a very good guesser, but i don't think that was the point. he started thinking about time differently. what do we spend our time on? how long do certain things take? is the time worth it?
the thing about time is: it doesn't stop and say-"go ahead, have this moment, i will stop for you awhile". nope. time is selfish and all-consuming.
time heals. people always say this and i believe it is true. time does not vanquish the past nor ignore it completely, but it plants some roses on the earth past you left dug up, waiting to be smoothed over.

i like all of the movement in our lives right now: my family and friends. moving locations, starting school, going back to school, new jobs, new places, new interests, new intimacies. sometimes, as i have said before, this movement is disarming for me and leaves me in a panic. but mostly this changes are positive and good. change is the only thing constant so may as well jump on the boat and ride the wave. oh boy i am full of sayings and nonsayings today. yes sir. my book on inspirational rants should be coming out by september, look for it where good books are sold.

happy 22nd cookie!

today is courtney's birthday and i wish i could be with her. distance bums me out sometimes. i know i write about this a lot, the subject of missing people. but that is because i think about it a lot. we're all so spread out.

1/2 my family is moving to vegas soon, really they have been there already quite a bit but they move official when the boy's school year is over. tyler is excited to move, loves the sunshine and swimming. chad will be off to work for the summer and than college- so proud of him. i look forward to seeing what he becomes interested in and who he ultimately becomes.
all this said, i already miss courtney a lot and having them all there in vegas and chad in montana, will take some getting used to. its going to be great for everyone- to get out of their surroundings and grow, but i am going to miss my dad. thats the gist of it.

today i want my own turn around, new chapter, new page. by next week i may just be writing one up... right now i am in the initial sketching out phase. its hard for me to sit still and wait, i've waiting for so long now. i want change, action, forward movement.

lufu, luba, luve.

i am experiencing a bit of a stall in my writing: what do you want me to write about????????

you know how people often say they have a hard time creating music when they are happy? well true. and also true for me for writing. it is difficult in this diary/blog format to find and mind a balance of information without getting repetitious. i find myself wanting to write about what i would like to eat right now, the emails i just exchanged with spu people about classes, what songs i am currently into... but is it of interest?
when i was traveling, current events filled up these pages with ease. current events these days are thrilling in their own way for sure but its difficult for me to find a way to present them. my mind is a blur with love, moving, school acceptance, classes coming up, puppy dreams, friends and phone calls. i am trying to be a good friend, wife, child, sister- stumbling at times but always tryiny, trying, trying. this takes up some time and constant observation--- am i....?

i have been thinking about "voice" lately--- what mine is, what i have to say, what i can say, why i am able due to place in society, position in time. i am now an adult but i don't often think of myself in this way. i am trying. i stand up straight when i remember, i try to take care of myself, i mostly take responsibility for my actions, i do a lot of adult-like things. my actions may resemble my age but when asked my age i flounder. often i have to think for a moment. 26! what a number! not that is old, i realize its not. but what an age that is! its certainly not early twenties; its been 10 years since i was 16 and driving in my sweet toyota tacoma. what different thoughts i had then! little me. little skinny thing.
eb and flow, eb and flow.
i'm sure and hopeful that i will change and morph but for the most part at this point in life i am who i am, i think how i think. i have opinions, lots of them. how interested. (not the opinions, just that i have so many of them).

i have the most wonderful husband. seriously. wrote me out a sweet card of congratulations and took me to dinner last night. had the restaurant bring us out champagne cocktails when we sat down before i even knew what was happening. time for celebration!! i think its wonderful to think of all of the things we will experience together in our lifetimes: so many things to celebrate, and some to morn. we will experience deaths and births, seasons and years of change. i love this. i love the simplicity that he will be with me through so much--- we will experience together what no one else will, what no one else will see or hear. so lovely.

so much to learn, so many moments to listen to.

Q

soooo i tried to post some photos this morning and it said i have reached my limit of pictures i am allowed to post on this blog...
i will look into this but does anyone know an easy answer?
xoxoxooxox.

kids,needs,wants----

grant (3 years old) is being a real sweet heart today. let me pick him up and hug him during pick up. he's been singing songs for me and telling jokes and such for the past hour.
"ash-o-ley, do you know what you need for a rainbow?... sun and rain, yeppers, thats what makes a rainbow".

"bums are icky"

"really in real life, the big backholoader would be bigger and stronger than a garbage truck"
backholoader= backho.

whenever you start taking yourself too seriously, hang out with a child and you will realize that the things that consume your time and mind space, are not ultimately very important. when you start making lists of what is important to you, you may find that most of what you think about, really isn't even on the list. of course there are always things in life that we have to do in order to maintain our lifestyle, but don't stress about the little things. i'm mainly talking to myself here. but i'm sure this is useful in some way to all of us. we watch days and years pass by--- we don't want to end up with nothing but a bunch of lists of things we need, want, need to do, need to want, want to need...

need want need want need want.

may---

what a week this has been! katrina, "my korean friend" :), who has been living in south korea for the past year teaching english, stayed with us for a week. after not seeing each other for an entire year, we majorly needed the catch up time. we had a fantastic weekend with the three of us, walking around the market, eating delicious treats, getting into a little trouble, chatting on grass spaces. photos will follow. my aunty cheryl and mama came up for the afternoon on saturday, after my graduate school interview (!!). we had a yummy lunch then explored some new areas of seattle. new to me! antique shops are soon to be my next passion. 50's furniture: i love you.

yesterday felt like the longest day in awhile: woke up early to take katrina to the airport and j to work. saying goodbye hurt my heart and this liquid came from my eyes a little.
after a work out and during a lovely lunch date with my husband, i received the long awaited email: I HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED TO GRADUATE SCHOOL! i decided upon SPU and am thrilled :) :) :)
finally.

A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when at last it comes.- Mark Twain's Notebook

my father was right, i haven't had a lot of obstacles in my life (sure i've had some hiccups) and j was right, everything works out as it should. when i didn't make the cut the first time around for the first graduate program i was accepted to- i felt extremely disappointed. but now i feel like, yes, this is right and where i should be. oh happiness. i like this path. like it a lot.

note of credit: this photo is the property of katrina. i will upload many more photos soon, as i have been neglecting that portion of this blog for some time.

this next week is going to be full of celebration and planning for the future.

last night kili took me to a fleet foxes show- they. were. wonderful. very talented. cave singers opened and they also killed. it. yeah.