and scene

i am wearing a dress that when wet is probably see through, i have a long walk home and it looks like the heat showers are going to start any minute. this is not a metaphor.

its been hot here in clermont-ferrand the last few days. 80s to 90s, my body loves this, but the muggy feel in the air is a different animal. the air chokes me as i walk, sending gas and cigarette fumes into my throat and lungs. i crave water, the ocean, a river. i drink so much water lately, i dont even have to remind myself, im thirsty all the time.

chelsea and remys place feels cooler than out here on the streets, due to the small river in their backyard. there are two black swans that live in it with their two baby swans. chelsea and i watch them from the windows.

yesterday remy and chelsea planted their garden. i helped for a few hours then let them be, to decide on placement. my body aches today from gardening and yoga. walking to the internet cafe today felt like it took days. its a long walk, furthur lengthened by my slow pace today. i am reliant on communication these days but want so badly to just see you in person. i miss the conveniences i know and love. i miss water. the water in nice was amazing, i wish i were there again and could dunk my head in it, get rid of the pollution riding on my face.

when john-james and i were in the south of france, we decided we should probably go check out cannes, since the film festival was happening. so we took a train on our last day to cannes and were greatly disappointed. unless you are a somebody or know a somebody, its pretty boring. defeated and tired, we got on a train back to nice. along the way, we could see the clear blue water to our right. i am so thirsty and hot and tired, i started to complain about how i wished we could have spent the day swimming instead. what a waste. we could get off, we decided, but i stubbornly could not change gears in my head long enough to decide that, yes, why not. at the next stop he said, well i dont know about you but im getting off to go swimming. i beamed and we got off the train. we bought a huge bottled water and walked down to the water. people were packing up for the day, it was at least 5 by then. we soon realized that this stretch of beach, as far as we could see, was filled with beach restaurants, no open beaches to be found. so finally we settled on one, turned out to be the lost undesirable one we could have chosen. we couldnt sit in the comfortable lounge chairs since those were only for the afternoons so we sat in two white plastic chairs, bought a drink each so we could stay and changed into our suits. we laughed at the ridiculous nature of this situation, everyone packing up, us sitting in these uncomfortable chairs. when we were changed we both ran like children to the waters edge, only to find trash, lots of trash floating in the water, and realized why the guy had looked at us so strangely when we insisted we wanted to swim. so we laughed and went home.