i picked my guitar up last night...

had two song sessions, played each time until i felt my fingers crack. if i bleed i can't play until i heal. today my fingers are tender, sore and remembering.

after yoga practice, we lay on our mats and our bodies remember what we've just learned, what we've been through, the accomplishments and the feelings. our brain stores those movements for later use. and next time, sure enough, it comes a little quicker. the movement is remembered without consciously memorizing.

today my fingers are remembering.

there were several songs i wrote years ago. when i sat down to play last night, they did not come to me for some time. but eventually, they came- every note, every pattern and every word. i had to silence my mind and let my fingers explore a hundred bad notes before touching down on familiarity.

our apartment's acoustics are great- sounds like a concert hall- rich deep sound without an echo.
"theres an echo in here" grant said this morning of the bathroom. he loves the bathroom-would spend hours in there if we let him. maybe he'll be a musician, loves the echos of noise and his voice.

playing music on christmas night was a highlight of this year- such love and appreciation for each other. peter's voice makes me smile until my cheeks hurt. josh's made me want to run over and hug him and embarrass him with love remarks. i miss my cousins. the kindness i received after playing made me want to play more. not for vanity's sake...
just remembered the feeling- open mic nights, tea on the bedside table, thick callouses on my finger tips, voices and notes running through my head, walkabout breaks, lightness, openness, home...
and a voice keeps coming to me- a constant "why won't you play?" and i never had an answer but i think i do now. i'm not sure it will suffice. and i don't mean to be vague. but lets face it, this is a blog.

questions go unanswered for years at a time, but its important to answer them all eventually, even if its only to yourself.

i think you get to a point where the answers are yours. not to be spilled and stepped on, misinterpreted or engaged with. just to be left alone.

introducing cuteness...

kids figured out they could put their feet through the arm holes of their raincoats. they were so delighted. i pulled the car over and took photos. they crack me up.

mama & me.

this is from awhile ago-but a keeper. i'll keep-her.
uncle bubba joke.

~hayley and hair for days~

-allegra-

its christmas time, pretty baby.

these photos are from our christmas- other known as christmas eve morning, when we opened our gifts. mon amour surprised me with hunter rain boots and heels!!! SO GOOD. i gave some good presents but we're still waiting for the big one... its been lost in the mail, purchased a month ago, another one has been sent out, countless (actually about 20) emails have been sent, promises of free products have been made, and STILL NO PRESENT. growl. the angry american consumer scowls....

these photos are from portage bay. heres a plug for you: eat there! its delicious.

i should add: it was "ugly christmas sweater" night-

...but as of late, "ugly sweaters"- particularly of the christmas variety, are hard to come by. its "trendy". look into it.
john-james and i first went to goodwill- they were out. they were getting an order of "ugly christmas sweaters" in- like thats a normal order. so then value village-found these goodies. michelle, however, had no ugly luck but managed to buy the family adorable matching sweaters and argued the "nerdy" factor all night. nerdy and ugly- thats the fam. welcome!!

family.

family portrait. note the genuine effort here- really needed a good, up-to-date photo. of course, people kept running off so there are many photos. personally, i like the series.

ginger molasses cookies

...are delicious, in case you thought otherwise, consider this your information zone.

john-james and i made our first christmas cookies as a married couple. yes indeed- there are many firsts. smiles. we made, you guessed it-ginger molasses and sugar cookies with homemade frosting and decorations... pictures to follow soon, the colors we created for our frosting are hilarious.

etsy goodness

i can't stop.... partying? no...looking at etsy. i really should get out the ol' sewing machine and make some bobbles myself:

http://www.etsy.com/listing/63255176/vintage-inspired-rosebud-earrings?ref=sc_undefined_26

http://www.etsy.com/listing/63019083/my-little-bird-adjustable-ring?ref=fp_treasury_8

this entire shop is funnnnnn:

http://www.etsy.com/listing/37451346/limited-edition-new-york-couture-white?ref=sr_list_4&ga_search_query=panda+dress&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=&order=&includes[0]=tags&includes[1]=title&filter[0]=handmade

http://www.etsy.com/listing/62780263/limited-edition-new-york-couture-love

culdesac - thats how you spell that.

streets

i was putting morgan down for a nap the other day, one of those miraculous days that she actually did sleep, and it occurred to me while singing "the luckiest" that i had created a vision to go along with this song. when he sings "what if i'd been born, fifty years before you in a house, on a street, where you live... maybe i'd be outside as you passed on your bike, would i know?"
now, its not remarkable that i have created visions to go along with this song, as we all do this (i assume) with songs and books and such, but that i have overlapped and used that same street several times. the street i see when i sing or hear "the luckiest" is the same street that i see when i read "white oleander"- specificially when she meets her female lover for the first time- not coincidentally its the same street i see when i think of the vaginal monologue where the younger women meets her older lover- this makes sense because its a similar story so i place it within the same context, scene, street coldasac.
strangely enough- its also what i picture as my aunt and uncles place in vegas... although my logical mind tells me it probably does not look like this.
its ALSO the same street i pictured my favorite odd couple from "watchers" (by dean koontz) living on when they get married.
i've never seen this street but i can imagine it so clearly in all these stories. i suppose that if i ever come across it, great things will happen there! or maybe not. maybe i'll just take a stroll and think, oh yeah, over there is their house, and yes-thats where that terrifying dog/beast almost killed them, mmmhmm....

button on a hill top.

like it button:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p02DgHeGdyI&feature=related

this makes me really happy

http://www.etsy.com/listing/56910729/organic-cocoon-for-baby-khaki?ref=cat1_gallery_5

walking through leaves

an early-morning walk is a blessing for the whole day. -henry david thoreau.

took a walk this morning between my sleep-filled eyes and eggs with coffee. the ground is full of leaves i loudly shuffle across. i love this neighborhood, so many "goodmorning"s and walkers out. eat it up, breathe it in.
today i miss people. my cousins and close friends have decided to disperse themselves everywhere, sprinkles of them are landing on each continent. its a big world and they feel far away.
<----this photo you see has a little card in it, the tiny faces belong to jami, libby and myself. a present from jami when i went off to france and she went to live in los galapagos, since then i have kept it in my camera case and look at it whenever i travel.
love. friendship.

crisp fall air: i love. (we).

the air today is my favorite. j and i both agreed that mexico and its warmth was inviting, but there is nothing like these fall days in the pacific northwest. we grew up here; our blood belongs amongst the fallen leaves, surrounded by the chill that screams to the bones.

met some friends on the beach!

honeymoon....ers...

.nips and tip(s).-

as mentioned previously, i created a blog for my class: teaching african american students and culture. here is the link if interested:
http://marychurchterrell.tumblr.com/

also-not sure if i did this before but, i want to give credit to chad martin for the naming of this blog. "brand new everyday" is a fantastic song he wrote a few years back and its one that gets into my head constantly. when i created this blog, "brand new everyday" seemed perfect for indeed it is a...brand new everyday. also my cousin is the best, ridiculously talented and poignant. i love my cousin(s). best. we were honored to have chad play as a song at our wedding as i walked down the aisle. sure wish i could get a copy of chad singing that song...
hint.
hint.
hint.

(when i finish this post i will definitely be sending chad an email with a link to my blog. i never claimed i was tactful.)
who has the time for patience anyways? not i. allegra once very poetically claimed that patience was not one of my strong points:
"patience, she said, is for those with time to waste".
voila.
time time time.

watching kids is a lesson in patience. teaching will be a lesson is patience.
grow grow grow.

we honeymooned in yelapa and puerto vallarta:
j and i were planning on staying in yelapa the whole trip, 10/11 days, we ended up cutting our time in yelapa a little short. the rustic, jungle, remote atmosphere, although very romantic, was...rough. roughing it. i'm talking burning your TP behind the house every few days, finding a scorpion in the bedroom, no walls- all open, hut living.
our place was located in the jungle on top of the village of yelapa, about a 20 minute walk from the beach (la playa). walking through the village had a definite charm- stray dogs everywhere- sandy was our favorite-she would walk to the beach with us-spend the whole day by our side-and then walk home with us when the day was through-she would leave us at her door step.
because of the dogs, lots of poo. smelly. also there was some sewage coming through the streets, which they actually cleaned up a bit by created a pipe and cement little ditty across the path while we were there. one night after a margarita or two, i twisted my ankle pretty good (pretty bad) and fell in the sewer (before the pipe and cement ditty). it was gross. and painful.

.singing in the sunshine.

these days are my favorite. walking through campus makes my feet skip. the air is crisp, i feel my lungs stretching as i breathe in. delightfully, its been sunny for days now. some rain but so far the sun rules october skies.

i look forward to heat, but upon my return i will relish in these days, then the rain, and then the snow. piles of it, on uncleared seattle roads. maybe this year we'll plow a few. probably not though, we find it more interesting to challenge ourselves and our vehicles through the white fluff and then the ice.

i am loved. he is loved.

mr. & mrs.

and then we were we wed.

now that we're married and life is low and lackadaisical (yeah right), i have decided to continue on with my blog from many fortnights ago.

i rediscovered my blog this morning after john-james suggested i create a blog for my first graduate project on mary church terrell. my original thought was to create a scrapbook, but j's idea for a blog is much more practical and will turn out even better i think.
we leave for honeymoon in a few days, which means i have very little time to complete this important project before my early deadline.
last night i was stressing out, as i do, about my project and the limited time i have between class, work, packing, social appointments, and was beginning to act a bit snarky and frustrated with myself and my procrastination. then i sat down and started some serious outlining and researching. by the end of my study session, i told j that i need to stop being such a complainer. here i am, researching mary church terrell, an amazing black activist, writer, administrator, educator, speaker, who engaged in every medium that would bring equality, desegregation and women's rights....
and i'm complaining about time. pathetic.
....what have i done?

well all is well in married life. we laugh, we kiss, we talk talk talk. we love. we're just starting to receive our wedding photos and i am thrilled to see them. what a beautiful whirlwind of a day.

more posts to come.. seems i need a focus so this doesn't turn into "ashley's online journal of ashley's thoughts that you may or may not be interested in".