i picked my guitar up last night...

had two song sessions, played each time until i felt my fingers crack. if i bleed i can't play until i heal. today my fingers are tender, sore and remembering.

after yoga practice, we lay on our mats and our bodies remember what we've just learned, what we've been through, the accomplishments and the feelings. our brain stores those movements for later use. and next time, sure enough, it comes a little quicker. the movement is remembered without consciously memorizing.

today my fingers are remembering.

there were several songs i wrote years ago. when i sat down to play last night, they did not come to me for some time. but eventually, they came- every note, every pattern and every word. i had to silence my mind and let my fingers explore a hundred bad notes before touching down on familiarity.

our apartment's acoustics are great- sounds like a concert hall- rich deep sound without an echo.
"theres an echo in here" grant said this morning of the bathroom. he loves the bathroom-would spend hours in there if we let him. maybe he'll be a musician, loves the echos of noise and his voice.

playing music on christmas night was a highlight of this year- such love and appreciation for each other. peter's voice makes me smile until my cheeks hurt. josh's made me want to run over and hug him and embarrass him with love remarks. i miss my cousins. the kindness i received after playing made me want to play more. not for vanity's sake...
just remembered the feeling- open mic nights, tea on the bedside table, thick callouses on my finger tips, voices and notes running through my head, walkabout breaks, lightness, openness, home...
and a voice keeps coming to me- a constant "why won't you play?" and i never had an answer but i think i do now. i'm not sure it will suffice. and i don't mean to be vague. but lets face it, this is a blog.

questions go unanswered for years at a time, but its important to answer them all eventually, even if its only to yourself.

i think you get to a point where the answers are yours. not to be spilled and stepped on, misinterpreted or engaged with. just to be left alone.

introducing cuteness...

kids figured out they could put their feet through the arm holes of their raincoats. they were so delighted. i pulled the car over and took photos. they crack me up.

mama & me.

this is from awhile ago-but a keeper. i'll keep-her.
uncle bubba joke.

~hayley and hair for days~

-allegra-

its christmas time, pretty baby.

these photos are from our christmas- other known as christmas eve morning, when we opened our gifts. mon amour surprised me with hunter rain boots and heels!!! SO GOOD. i gave some good presents but we're still waiting for the big one... its been lost in the mail, purchased a month ago, another one has been sent out, countless (actually about 20) emails have been sent, promises of free products have been made, and STILL NO PRESENT. growl. the angry american consumer scowls....

these photos are from portage bay. heres a plug for you: eat there! its delicious.

i should add: it was "ugly christmas sweater" night-

...but as of late, "ugly sweaters"- particularly of the christmas variety, are hard to come by. its "trendy". look into it.
john-james and i first went to goodwill- they were out. they were getting an order of "ugly christmas sweaters" in- like thats a normal order. so then value village-found these goodies. michelle, however, had no ugly luck but managed to buy the family adorable matching sweaters and argued the "nerdy" factor all night. nerdy and ugly- thats the fam. welcome!!

family.

family portrait. note the genuine effort here- really needed a good, up-to-date photo. of course, people kept running off so there are many photos. personally, i like the series.

ginger molasses cookies

...are delicious, in case you thought otherwise, consider this your information zone.

john-james and i made our first christmas cookies as a married couple. yes indeed- there are many firsts. smiles. we made, you guessed it-ginger molasses and sugar cookies with homemade frosting and decorations... pictures to follow soon, the colors we created for our frosting are hilarious.

etsy goodness

i can't stop.... partying? no...looking at etsy. i really should get out the ol' sewing machine and make some bobbles myself:

http://www.etsy.com/listing/63255176/vintage-inspired-rosebud-earrings?ref=sc_undefined_26

http://www.etsy.com/listing/63019083/my-little-bird-adjustable-ring?ref=fp_treasury_8

this entire shop is funnnnnn:

http://www.etsy.com/listing/37451346/limited-edition-new-york-couture-white?ref=sr_list_4&ga_search_query=panda+dress&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=&order=&includes[0]=tags&includes[1]=title&filter[0]=handmade

http://www.etsy.com/listing/62780263/limited-edition-new-york-couture-love

culdesac - thats how you spell that.

streets

i was putting morgan down for a nap the other day, one of those miraculous days that she actually did sleep, and it occurred to me while singing "the luckiest" that i had created a vision to go along with this song. when he sings "what if i'd been born, fifty years before you in a house, on a street, where you live... maybe i'd be outside as you passed on your bike, would i know?"
now, its not remarkable that i have created visions to go along with this song, as we all do this (i assume) with songs and books and such, but that i have overlapped and used that same street several times. the street i see when i sing or hear "the luckiest" is the same street that i see when i read "white oleander"- specificially when she meets her female lover for the first time- not coincidentally its the same street i see when i think of the vaginal monologue where the younger women meets her older lover- this makes sense because its a similar story so i place it within the same context, scene, street coldasac.
strangely enough- its also what i picture as my aunt and uncles place in vegas... although my logical mind tells me it probably does not look like this.
its ALSO the same street i pictured my favorite odd couple from "watchers" (by dean koontz) living on when they get married.
i've never seen this street but i can imagine it so clearly in all these stories. i suppose that if i ever come across it, great things will happen there! or maybe not. maybe i'll just take a stroll and think, oh yeah, over there is their house, and yes-thats where that terrifying dog/beast almost killed them, mmmhmm....