tomorrow.

i guess i expected someone to live my life for me. to plan it all, make the time for practice, tune my guitar and change my strings. i thought she would sit down and write melodies for me; i thought i was too busy. but really, what do i have going on... really? am i really that busy? that is an honest question: am i?
"no. i'm really not"- i reply.
because, frankly, i am not. not that busy.

sure yeah i could go into my many daily activities, needs, wants, aspirations, errands, but all they really amount to is a bunch of nonsense i need to aspire to, to conquer in order to sleep at night. and some, yes, is needed. yes, i need to pay my bills and purchase gas to drive home and then to work the following morning. but for the most part, i just fill up my days. i buy pieces for constant projects, some of which i actually finish. i send things to people; but i am not convinced that this act is purely selflessness. really- what acts do we do that are purely selfless...really? i write because i love and miss you, but i want you to write back just as much as i want you to read my words. i give a little money but i give because i think it will make my heart hurt less. it doesn't really work.
maybe i should work harder. maybe i should come to you. maybe giving a hand-full of money gives me the illusion of help but your eyes do not reflect my supposed generosity therefore it is nothing. so, is it thanks i want? goodness no. i just want want want want want want....
something. anything.
redemption, kindness, warmth.
and isn't that what we all want? as a human race, what are we looking for, striving for? life? well that is a one way road and we all know where that leads...
so then...
death? life? salvation?
and immediately we want...
love, warmth, kindness, touch, a kind hand, something to hold on to, something to steady us. the world is rocking and we might very well be in an earth quake right now, one which has lasted and will last for a very long time. and we try to stand still as we neglect our swaying bodies; our bobbing corpses. we die every day, and that is alright. i don't think its meant to scare. i think its meant to inspire.
what will you do today? ok- today wasn't your best, we both know that, so what will you do tomorrow?