we're all in transition. i see this now, talking to chelsea and allegra today, it became clear. i think of my life as somewhat concrete but with constant introspection, applications being sent out into the world, job leaving a lot to be desired, i am also in a sort of limbo. and maybe this is alright, after all, we need these moments, these days, possibly even years, to decide who we are, what we want to be, what our focus should be on. i need to breathe more, deep breathes. i need to realize that time is constant and i don't need to try to out run time.
i am constantly stimulated- by conversations, games (yes indeed- i am warming up to games), letters, movies, books, current events on the radio, music. a minute ago i was looking out at the pouring rain- today is one of those days where mother nature can't make up her mind and the sky is full of sun breaks, clouds, rain and wind- and i was wondering: when is the last time i allowed myself complete stillness and quiet? and truly i am not sure. i am always thinking, always striving, always moving. i pride myself on being efficient, almost to the point of it being ridiculous. i move from one room to another, continually picking up and dropping off items here and there- heaven forbid i have to take two trips or go back into the bathroom to grab that pair of pants when i already grabbed something in there one minute ago. i mean-my goodness- a person can drive herself crazy in my head. calm down. sit. be still. be quiet. stop trying to be the fastest- no one cares. and those who do need to take a moment and rethink it all. for truly- yes- life is short and i am fairly certain we are not put on this earth to see how much we can accomplish in this small time.
yesterday i had time to see still and quiet but i didn't allow myself this. instead i busied myself with emails, figuring out classes, starting sewing projects that were way more frustrating than relaxing. i did walk into town which felt nice but i talked on the phone, problem solving in the quiet spaces of my head and stopped and looked at all houses for sale-going in a few. when have i walked with no time frame or destination? it seems against the point to plot out my time slots for quiet contemplation but maybe this would work.
theres always something, i have lists of errands and things that need to be done, going over on repeat in my head. shhh. quiet. be still. drink some tea. water is good.
here's what i (try to) do every day. when you make it important and cut out time for it, it doesn't seem like a lot of extra effort. waking up ten minutes early is worth extra hours in my mind:
ReplyDeletewhen you wake up, after you've started brewing coffee but before you've taken off pajamas or eaten breakfast or looked at your schedule for the day, take FIVE minutes and just sit. set an egg timer or an alarm on your phone (one that won't startle you too much), get comfortable sitting somewhere, and just breathe.
thoughts will come in your head. that's ok. that's what our brains are for. but when you realize you are spending too much energy thinking, just think about your breath. or what your hands or touching. or the feel of your pajamas on your legs. or the sounds outside your window. always come back to your breath.
five minutes is NOTHING. it is SO LITTLE time out of our day. it's a bathroom break (not even), a text message, a red light. but just five minutes of sitting still will totally change your perspective of the day.
do this every day for a week. then try to add in five minutes before you go to bed. i like reading in bed and chatting with remy, so i'm realistic. i don't try to meditate the exact five minutes right before i conk out. but make it part of your getting-ready-for-bed routine. brush your teeth, wash your face, put on your pajamas, sit & be. do it in the living room, or close the door to the bedroom, or somewhere j won't disturb you with his own getting ready.
do both morning & night for a whole week. then figure out if you like it, if you don't, if you want to up it to ten minutes or axe it to two minutes and if you want to do it both morning & night and/or every day. chances are you will.