my thankful goodnight.

i am mesmerized by how we choose to define ourselves. at this time, we have the means to create a persona all our own. we can fabricate any version of ourselves that we would like, at least on "paper", or on a computer screen.
really it is brilliant, our versions are beautiful. our faces all look very nice on screen, cut and pasted for our taste. i can make myself look any way i want.
i prefer: fabulous.

but how sad it is that this is what it has come to: me looking through photos so i can decipher the exact image i want to portray to you. we look through out hundreds of photos and pick the one we have decided "explains" us, for a moment, or the week, or the month, and that is what we give to the world: our head shot.

great.
great head shot.
and yes- this is obviously what we do for network mediums, but this is also what we do daily in our conversation, our schooling, our jobs, our relationships/friendships. we pick a persona and to some extent, we stick to it. we create stories to adhere to our persona;
this isn't always negative.
sometimes its fantastic when we have picked the one that feels that is truly "shows" us and tells a story; when we have chosen to share it with the right person at the right moment in our lives:
i speak from experiences when i say: yes this is possible and it is amazing. you know it when it is true and good. it is not complicated. when you know, you know. it doesn't necessarily hit you with a ton of bricks. it may take your breathe away, but kissing will do that. it may make you feel light headed and high, and yes, well, that is natural.
note: if you are 16- don't over think it. just let it go- come back to it. when you have your head on and it doesn't seen crooked, come back to these thoughts. you may think you know. you may think you know so much that the whole entire world is against you and you just know, you just do, you know,
but you don't.
you don't know anything.
honestly.
its not meant as an insult.
you just don't know. much. you don't know much.
you've been alive for 16 years, which may seem like a lot, yes- but just look at the world's existence. do yourself a favor and give yourself a little history lesson and soon you will realize how many young gals just like yourself thought the way you do. you're not original/you're young. enjoy it but don't over think it. have another cookie, you're not fat. enjoy it.

anyways-when you know, you know. i spent a good portion of my life being something, something, a persona to please. i do not pretend to think that i don't still do this to some extent, we are born to please. and i do want to please you. but i have arrived at a place where i feel calm- the most calm i have ever felt- even with the constant changing world around me and the pain that i see reflected in faces everyday- i do feel peace. and i know this is due to my full stomach, the roof over my head and the arms around me. but through these comforts and the promise i feel when the sun is high in the sky, i know we are meant to make it another day, or maybe just another hour. and even if it i just another hour, what a beautiful moment this is. thank you.